Thirty pounds down and I still find myself trying to find ways of eating my favorite comfort foods - without actually doing it. Well that's just crazy! But for me this is a huge change! It would be lovely to be able to eat ice cream, but be satisfied with just a 1/4 cup. But no, if I have even that much my heart pounds, I have hot flashes, I feel nauseated and 30 minutes later - it has completely emptied itself from my system. Quickly. If you know what I mean. Sorry.
Have to change this way of thinking!!
But I asked for that. For me - my love of all things sweet has been my downfall my whole life. So this is aversion therapy for me. If my knowledge of how bad this stuff is for me doesn't get me to stop - then really uncomfortable physical symptoms should. It's called dumping syndrome - and it's one reason I chose this particular surgery. I know myself well enough to know I wouldn't stay away from sweets if left to my own devices and I had to make sweets punishing for me. Sounds harsh but I'm stubborn. It's been 2 months and I am still sticking my toes in the dessert waters, thinking - oh I'll try just a little of this .. ! Don't know what's wrong with me but my drive for sugar is strong.
It's a slow process undoing a lifetime of bad eating habits. But I am working on getting plenty of protein, taking my vitamins, walking for exercise and finding new ways of doing everything "food". I will say - if this is successful for me - it should be successful for others who have a sugar addiction because no one self-sabatages like I do. SHEESH!
It's been a long time since I've written a 'cat' post. Riley passed in November, so it's been a while now. Jake passed in April of last year, over a year now since that sweet little girl left us. Norah and Abby don't get along well, partly (mostly?) I think because Abby was never socialized with other cats or humans - and just can't make friends. Norah I think, misses Riley. Until he got sick in the end, he used to cuddle with her and now Norah doesn't have a cuddle buddy.
I found Emmett on Instagram, a little boy whose Momma was a stray rescued while pregnant by a nice lady who lives about 4 hours from me. There were 4 kittens born, 2 girls and 2 boys. Emmett - known as Aspen caught my eye from the moment I saw him. When he is fully weaned I will be making the drive to get him.
He has a brother I am tentatively considering as well. But since I made my daughter promise to never let me have 4 cats again, I am only considering. I am totally over-thinking the whole thing - what if Norah rejects Emmett and then he has no one? But if I bring home 2 kittens, will they only bond with each other and still leave Norah out in the cold? No way of knowing.
Mid-April I had gastric-bypass surgery. The lap band was removed, my stomach made smaller and my intestines rearranged. Kind of major. But in some ways it was easier than the lap band. Still, since I haven't been here except on Mondays for quite a while, I didn't really want to come back with well - this post. But
right now - it IS what's happening in my life.
When you go in for this type of surgery, there are many things to consider. It's not reversible like having an appliance put in that can be removed. This is forever, so you'd better want it. And I did, I do.
It's harder than I thought. Not the actual physical part, of course not, this is ME we're talking about. Intellectually - oh I got this. I have it handled.
Emotionally? Hmmm. Another story.
When someone is an emotional eater and uses food for comfort and reward, and that person is medicated for depression to start with, what is going to happen when you take that comfort and reward away?
Yeah. So I'm not horribly pull-the-covers-over-my-head depressed. But I am sad. And that makes me feel a bit pathetic since I know how lucky I am to have been able to have the surgery at all. Many don't have that option. Like - yeah feel sorry for me because I miss cake. Ugh.
So yeah, I might be writing about this journey a bit.