Monday, June 30, 2008
So Sunday I woke up with a headache and the remnants of a dream chasing around in my head. I went to see Amanda, she was picking me up at the airport with her husband because you know, we're tight.
I was lost for a while on wet dark streets and then at a park where the sun was shining and there was ice cream, and then back to Amanda's house where I was smoking cigarettes inside without asking, and I don't even smoke!
Jennifer Aniston came walking up and looked at me like she thought she knew me, so I assured her we had only run into each other once or twice at parties, but we didn't know each other. As if!
She must have been Amanda's friend.
At some point I was sad because Amanda's beautiful girls were nowhere to be found, and Sean (Amanda's husband) gave me a HUGE photo album to look through while Amanda pointed out some little carved words she mounted by the door bell. I have no idea what they said but I got the idea they were a little naughty. I was thinking I shouldn't drink so much, maybe that's why I have a headache, incorporating my real headache into the dream.
I know there were all kinds of details of some pretty dresses and the small brick ranch with a full view storm door that looks nothing like Amanda's house. Dinner, snacking, talking, drinking. All in bits and pieces here and there. Weird.
When it was time to leave I drove myself and I had to stop at a doctor's appointment but they got my appointment wrong and tried to teach me how to train a dog as opposed to whatever screening exam I thought I was having.
I don't usually remember my dreams but this one was in the morning just before I got up and I was thinking about it as I woke up. What was Jennifer Aniston doing there? Was she supposed to see me and then absolutely dismiss me? Oh well. I don't think my feelings were hurt. In any event, I forgive her, and I thank Amanda and Sean for their hospitality. It was a very nice visit.
I think. Dreams being what they are, you can never be sure.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
- To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves adhesive
- To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
- Clean jewelry. Soak the jewelry in vodka for five minutes, then rinse, and dry.
- Clean lipstick from clothing. Rub the stain with vodka, then throw into your regular wash.
- Remove the glue left behind by a bumper sticker. Rub the glue with a soft, clean cloth soaked with vodka
- Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
- Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, then blot dry.
- Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
- Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
- Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.
- Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziplock freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.
- Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.
- To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.
- To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.
- vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
- Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.
- Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.
- Soothe a sore throat. Add a tablespoon of vodka to glass of warm water and gargle. The alcohol helps numb the sore throat.
- Eliminate swimer's ear. If you don't have rubbing alcohol, fill an eardropper with vodka, and squeeze it into the affected ear, then let it drain out.
But MY advice? Just drink the vodka and you won’t give a damn about the rest of those things!
Friday, June 27, 2008
Hidden Mahala's most recent post gives us a bit of information that quite a few people can use about now. Here's what she had to say:
"Back a few years ago, when the HR manager actually like.. worked and stuff.. she told us about this church sponsored program called "Angel Food Ministries." With locations all over the country, you can preorder boxes of their very low priced groceries ($30, for around $65 worth of food,) then pick it up on the designated delivery day. There is no "eligibility"requirement, nothing to fill out. Income has nothing to do with the program at all. Roll up in your Beemer or ride your bicycle.. everyone is welcome. For more information, click the link and check the menu for participating locations in your area. You can buy as many $30 boxes as you want and they also have "bonus" boxes of veggies, cookout stuff and meat for anywhere from $16-$20. (This is not a sponsored post.. I just thought ya'll might be interested.)"
Thanks for sharing, Mahala.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
But the big spiders, the ones that are furry and run faster than fast - are always a problem. If I'm not fast enough they are gone and I sit and keep checking my arms, my feet, where ever I feel the slightest itch - because I just KNOW that spider wants nothing more than to climb on ME. Uh huh.
If I AM fast enough, then what? These spiders are too big to squish with a Kleenex, and smacking them with something is gross because they crunch. Not to mention that they leave a big splotch if they are on a wall.
Recently when I spotted a can of something that was supposed to kill spiders and things like scorpions on contact, I knew the stuff was for me. I bought it without hesitation, and put it on the floor next to the couch within easy reach so I would be armed when the moment arose. Except somehow, the can of stuff got put away! Go figure!
Which is why tonight when I caught the flash of something running across the carpet I was caught without anything to use against the varmint. The first thing that occurred to me was - containment! I jumped off the couch and grabbed a small plastic container from the bookcase, because I may put the bug spray away but Lord knows Rubbermaid can dress up a living room like nobodies business!
I thunked the container over the spider and sat for a minute with my finger pushing down on the bottom, now top, of the plastic container. What to do, what to do? Knowing the spider had Herculean strength I plopped a stone coaster on it to hold it down and ran into the kitchen, got the magic spray, and gave it a test spray onto a paper towel held over the sink. Click. Click? A spray can isn't supposed to click when you push down on the button. NOTHING came out. Click click click. Wha-a-a.
Now I have a spider under a small Rubbermaid container with coasters (I added another for weight), sitting in my living room. I actually feel bad for the spider, seeing him go round and round and I picture him in there gasping for air as he dies a slow and agonizing death. Yeah, I should BE so lucky.
Spider is very much alive, although he has stopped moving around a lot, I think he finally figured out he's not going anywhere. And me? I am sitting in a way that I can keep my eye on him, making sure the cats don't tip the container over, and reassuring myself that he has not escaped and crawling up my leg as I write.
Let the cats have him you say? Did I hear that? Um, no. These cats might chase him a bit, even try to take a whack at him. But the spider would get away and I would be dealing with it anyway.
Enjoy the really bad photographs, I'll be right here. Watching the spider. *yawn* I might be up late tonight.
What am I waiting for? I'm waiting for my daughter to get home. She has decided everything has a right to live, and regularly captures and releases spiders back out into the wild that is our front yard. This is right up her alley. Gah-h!
~You can always click on the pictures to see them bigger but the photos are so bad it probably won't help. Yuk.
**Edited to add - Dani came home and, never taking the phone from her ear - she slid a piece of paper beneath the cup and deftly moved the spider to freedom. And glad to do it too. Now I can leave the room and get ready for bed. Nite all!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
I was trying to remember when I got my first computer. It was late by a lot of standards. Schools were already requiring kids to do any type of report on a computer which made me angry because we didn’t have one. I couldn’t afford it so my kids were going to the library to do what a good deal of the other kids were doing at home.
My daughter and I were talking the other day about something we saw on TV about cheating, and teachers using websites to verify whether their students work is original or not. I think the one they mentioned was checkitout.com but I haven’t visited it so I’m not sure.
During the discussion I was expressing how I used to copy things out of encyclopedias when I was a kid. I remember doing a report on
So is that the new “when I was a kid I walked a mile to school, barefoot, in the snow…”? I can tell my kids “yeah, when I was your age, we only had 4 TV channels and maybe 3 more if the antenna could pick up the VHS stations.” And “when I was a kid we had to watch TV shows right when they were on, there was no way to record them or choose when we wanted to see them.” And oh the horror – “we had to WALK over to the TV every.single.time. we wanted to change the channel.”
So yeah, I hand wrote that report on
We did everything the hard way so-to-speak but there was no easy way for a teacher to tell whether or not we copied our reports word for word.
We had that going for us. And that was good.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Still, I was somewhat bemused to find myself here.
For those of you that have been looking for it, I found it.
Apparently it's a happy place. And it loves me.
**Edited to add - I have just uninstalled Stumble. I have spent almost 2 days doing nothing but. I cannot be trusted to leave it alone.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Oh man she's posting pictures of flowers from her wonderful boyfriend again. *yawn* Um, no. I'm not. These are not my flowers.
My daughter is in down-state Illinois tonight, insistent as she was to drive down there even though the Mississippi River is flooding and levees are breaking, she had to go. Oh - and even though her Mom was worried. But - Dani assures me there is no danger where she is going, calling me when she got there to tell me "Mom I didn't even see a drop of water all the way down here. There isn't any flooding where I am."
Dan sent these flowers to my daughter, it's seems fairly certain he cares for her a great deal. And it is doubly certain that I am counting on him to take good care of her down there, even though she would say she doesn't need taking care of.
The flooding isn't over and I won't be convinced she is safe until it is. And I don't really care if she doesn't want me to put the onus on Dan to watch over her while she is there but let's face it. He is the reason she is there so it is his responsibility to make sure she gets home safely to me. Because I said so. That's all the reason I need.
Beautiful flowers, by the way. Beautiful girl.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
People all have a need for personal space. That circle you draw around your physical person that people you don’t know very well or certainly people you don’t known at all – should never cross. If they do, you feel uncomfortable, sometimes intimidated or even threatened.
I was reading someplace the other day, could have been on a blog I suppose but with my lack of brain cells these days – who knows, that people from different places have different comfort levels when it comes to their personal space. For example, they said the average American likes a healthy 2 1/2 to 3 feet of distance between themselves and someone they are talking to or standing in line next to at the grocery store.
The same thing I was reading (Was it an article? A post?) said that the average European is more comfortable with a smaller circle of space. I have forgotten what the number was but it was markedly different from what an American needs to have. I mean – something crazy like – under 2 feet – even when it’s someone they don’t know! I’m getting queasy here.
I did not realize how true that was until I was standing in line for a hot dog the other day. I’m not sure it was worth it after feeling my skin crawling the whole time. I was just standing there zoning out like one does when they are waiting for a hot dog, and I felt someone come up behind me. Instinctively I stepped to the side thinking that somebody was trying to pass and there wasn’t enough room.
Um, no. It was a lady with her 2 small boys, who was intent on purchasing food from the same place I was and was joining the line.
If the line was up my butt!!!
She was oblivious to me as she spoke to her boys in a Slavic sort of language that I did not understand, and breathed into my hair while doing it. I swear the hair on her arms was brushing the hair on mine, and I really don’t have a whole lot of hair there! She went from one side of me to the other side of me, reading the sign on the wall, all the time making me extremely uncomfortable and left me thinking about just how right what I had read about personal space was! And I never realized it.
I’m friendly, I like people, but if I don’t know you, or you are not my BF or part of my immediate family, STEP BACK. Please. Because now I have it on some sort of authority (even if I can’t remember who said it where and what they based it on) that I am only reacting as a normal American would. You?
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
I’m not saying this is about me, you understand. But this person I know lives about a mile from a really nice courthouse in the suburbs. She/he received a summons for jury duty, at the courthouse 20 miles away in a really bad area of the BIG city nearby. Well, 20 miles away, nearby.
So he/she being a big chicken about driving to the really bad area of the BIG city, ignored the summons.
Another one came. Still not for the really nice courthouse in the suburbs. Again for the courthouse 20 miles away in a really bad area of the BIG city.
She/he got mad and tore that summons in half before he/she threw it in the garbage.
One more time - a summons arrived in the mail. There was much cursing and flying expletives when it was retrieved from the mailbox. His/her sense of fairness was totally assaulted! She/he was perfectly willing to serve on a jury in the nice courthouse in the suburbs about a mile from his/her house. Why did they want to make him/her pee in her/his pants while driving to and arriving in the bad part of town in the BIG city????? What was wrong with asking him/her to serve in the courthouse that was so nice and clean and close to his/her house?
There was much pulling of hair and wringing of hands over that summons. It did not appear they were going to give up and decide they must have a faulty address for this citizen they were trying to contact. They must know she/he was ignoring their orders to report for his/her civic duty. What to DO!?!??
He/she rendered that summons thoroughly unreadable by ripping it into itty bitty pieces and rendered it irretrievable by burying it in the bottom of the kitchen garbage can.
That was over 2 years ago. Now, she/he lives with the silent torment, waiting for the day when they will come to his/her door to make her/him go to the bad neighborhood in the BIG city nearby. 20 miles away, nearby.
Oh, if only she/he could have the option of pleading ‘no contest’ at the nice big courthouse in the suburbs that is so close to his/her house!
He/she would promise to go next time!
(IF it was at the nice big clean courthouse in the suburbs…)
**Edited to add - For those of you who have missed Lavender from The Birds & The Beads for some months now, she is back! Head on over and welcome her if you'd like. :)
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
I did realize at some point that I was sitting on the couch with my laptop on my (where else?) lap, there was a coolish breeze blowing in the windows, and it was relatively quiet. There was no one near me on a conference call with their phone on speaker and no one close by who needs to speak loudly because of the headset they have. There were no people calling out to each other from across the room or laughing and making noise while I am on the phone with a client.
And I didn’t miss it.
But I would.
As loud as it gets sometimes, I really like the people I work with and I would not like to work from home every day. I like going to a place that is designated for work, where all my work ‘stuff’ is, and where I have a history with people.
But for today – this was my scenery.
and this ..
yes, and this ..
there's always a box somewhere ...
..and given the opportunity, this would be MY nap. Doesn't she look completely content?
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I'm hoping some of you will want to play along. Humor me, please? Show us your desktop!
Monday, June 9, 2008
I love reading posts where bloggers talk about the searches people have used to find their blog. Most of the time I’m laughing at the bizarre things people search for and the rest of the time I’m saying “what on earth..?” Too funny.
Someone found me with “how does a June bug know it’s June?” Why do you want to know?
There was “what does it mean when a cat holds it’s foot up?” Hmmm, well I imagine there is something keeping him from putting it down. Usually pain!!
“Should I shave my legs every day I’m abroad?” They could have given some details – is there going to be a beach involved, or is this a winter vacation? Who are you going with? They might care.
“How angry am I?” Is this person really asking this? Cause I think they would know better than anyone else about their pissed-off-ness. Leave ME out of it!
“How many lives does a dog get?” I have it on good authority dogs only get one. That’s it. So if you want your money’s worth out of a pet, you might want to consider a cat.
Which brings me to “How many lives does a cat get?” Seriously?
I get a lot of cat searches and unfortunately a lot of vagina searches combined with things I don’t want to think about after I wrote about the Vagina Monologues. Lots of bead searches, but the one search that keeps coming up a lot, is titanium breast clip, or mammogram titanium clip. Titanium clip pain. I just wanted to say that the teeny tiny little clip they left in my breast is about the size of the tip of a pencil, and the ONLY time I think about it, or remember it’s there? When I see another search for it.
I understand, I am sure I searched for it before my mammatome too. But honestly – you searching ladies – it’s nothing. Truly. You will never know it’s there unless the doctor points it out to you on an x-ray or something and even then – it’s tiny. Don’t bother feeling for it because you won’t find it. It’s just the idea of it that’s weird but unless you have a blog and write about it – you will forget it’s there too. So worry about the results of the procedure, not the clip. Just sayin’.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
I’ve written about how I am an online shopper. I will shop online for almost anything I find myself in need of on the internet. The packages get delivered right to your door, what else could you ask for??
But sometimes I do have to leave my house. Sometimes people make me. Like my daughter. She just keeps asking me until it becomes and assumption and then I am doing it. Today? We went to the mall. Have I mentioned how much I hate the mall? Arg-g-h-h-h!!!
Dani has a wedding to go to and needed a dress and shoes and I was quite impressed with how she managed to find some wonderful things and squeezed those sales until they squeeled. She’s a very good shopper.
While we were there I looked around a bit for a birthday I need to find something for but I start to get hives after a while and just have to leave. The mall and I are not friends.
Arriving home I hopped on the computer and while not finding anything for the birthday I was shopping for – I did find something I didn’t buy – but somebody ought to! I’m one of those people who always grabs the brownie that has at least one chewy edge if I can’t get a corner piece that has 2. I love me some chewy edged brownies. While shopping I found a store named Solutions. And this store has a brownie pan to die for. I hardly ever bake – too many cats and I can’t think of a time when I actually NEED a pan of brownies in my house. If I WANT a pan of brownies – it probably is not a time I should have them.
Now THAT'S a brownie pan!! Every piece is an edge piece, yum!!!
Oh and this? This is what happens when a cat has to check out the mud mask on my face before it's dry.
You just know that later he had to lick that off his nose. Yuk!
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
I frequently correspond with myself through email. When I am at work I send emails home saying things like “check for black beads” because someone at work has asked if I can make something for them. Or “email picture” so I will remember to send a picture that resides on my home computer to someone.
From home – I do the same thing. I'll send a reminder to my work email - “get cat litter” to remember to stop at the store on the way home from work. Or “check calendar” in case I need a day off on a particular day.
Last night I had just shut down my computer when I remembered I wanted to send an email to work to remind myself to stop at the bank on the way home and then to pick up some prescriptions. My daughter was still on her laptop so I asked her to send me an email at work, I asked her to say – “get money, pick up prescriptions.” Short and simple.
When I got to work today this is what I got:
assemble the golden monkey.
pick up prescriptions.
buy dani a pony.
rinse and repeat.
She’s so special isn’t she? And she didn’t send any assembly instructions for that monkey either!!
Monday, June 2, 2008
I love me a good widget. Can’t seem to help myself, part of it is the hunt. I love to search for things. Whether I’m looking for pictures to use in my personal screensavers, tools or widgets for my blog or new desktop themes and icons, I am always on the prowl. Today, prompted by a comment on my last post, I went on the hunt again.
The comment led me to this person’s profile, which led me to think about being “middle aged.” Not in a bad way – the comment was positive and so is this lady’s blog. “Nice to meet you, finally another approaching middle aged woman admist all these young mommie (still love reading them) blogs.” Yes! I am! Middle aged I mean. Kind of.
When I was a kid people my age now - were OLD. Period. And I would hear people say how they just didn’t feel old, and I never quite understood. How could they not feel old when they so obviously were??
So yeah, at work sometimes my co-workers and I will look at each other and laugh, realizing we are discussing our aches and pains and doctor’s appointments instead of what we did over the weekend, but I do not feel anything like what I imagined I would at this age. I’m not quite ready for adult diapers yet. Well, maybe if I was forced to do jumping jacks with a full bladder, but otherwise, no.
Tonight I went for a walk with my daughter. We walked to a nearby park that has a walking (running?) path and started walking at a fast pace (for me) and talking. After circling maybe 4 times it started to rain. Thank.God. We headed home with her saying how she felt like she hardly had any exercise at all, and me? I was sweaty and winded and perfectly happy with our 20 minutes.
With age – comes perspective.
My new widget is counting down the days until my 50th birthday. I know, right? How the heck did that happen? Where did the years go, how did the time fly by so quickly? Right now I am defiantly 40-freakin’-9 and next year – the big 5 – 0. Pretending to be something other than what I am seems counter productive; it only delays the inevitable realization that I am not 22 anymore. I have never lied about my age, even when a young guy at work looked at an old picture of me and said (in his youthful ignorance) “wow BJ, you were hot!”
He never saw that knee coming.
So my new widget is all about embracing who I am, where I am, and looking forward to the 2nd half of my life. I invite you to count down the days with me and when you look at that widget I hope it reminds you that every day it counts down is one less day you have to find that totally perfect gift for my upcoming milestone birthday!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Beauty Secrets Meme
I was tagged by the lovely and talented Lady Banana do to this meme. I am not good with memes because I always want to rebel against the rules. And this meme presumes I may have secrets about how I achieve my beauty. Which presumes I have beauty. Also? If I share them they won’t be secrets.
L’Oreal Feel Natural – Soft Ivory – Yeah, one of those pale people. More because I don’t go out much than because it’s natural to me.
Almay One Coat Mascara – Brown/Black
My Day Cream
Neutrogena Healthy Skin or Lancome Absolue Replenishing Crème – Depends on whether I have time to open a jar or use a quick pump bottle. Seriously.
My Essential Beauty Product
That would have to be my eyebrow stuff. I have very little in the way of eyebrows without it.
My Favorite Makeup Product
Probably my foundation, evens out my skin tone and covers the brown patches. Sigh-h-h.
I rarely, if ever, wear any. I will use a body spray sometimes – something fresh and fruity but don’t do that much either.
Oh the horror. I have not had nice nails since my kids were born, literally. Before that they grew, they didn’t crack or split – now – yuk. I just try to keep them filed into a passable shape.
I guess this means what beauty stuff I do to my feet? Uh, clip my toe nails and use moisturizer. I know. I should do more.
Whatever moisturizer I put anywhere else – I also put on my hands. During the day at work I usually use some lemon Burt’s Bees Cuticle Cream and again, moisturize with whatever I have on my desk. And they still look like hell.
Three products to bring to a deserted island:
I have to agree with Lady Banana on this one –
3. Lip Balm
Women I admire for their beauty:
This is where I go blank. I think I would say that I admire the women who allow themselves to age gracefully and naturally. Doesn’t mean they shouldn’t dye their hair or wear makeup or try to look pretty, just means – I admire the ones who have to guts to face aging without cosmetic “procedures.”
Women with the best sense of style:
My opinion? Women who are most comfortable in their own skin generally have the best sense of style because they know what is appropriate and what looks good on them and don’t feel the need to over-do.
My ulimate dream:
That’s very simple and ordinary. I would love to be able to retire and live comfortably without financial worries or health concerns – and be able to spend time with my kids. And to die in my sleep. Yeah, that’s important.
How do I define Womanhood:
Geez. I can’t answer this, I don’t know. Wasn’t that what they taught us about in that movie they showed us in the fifth grade?
My favorite fashion publication:
I hate them all for the unhealthy images they promote for women. None of it is real.
Yay! I finished the meme! Now here is where I am supposed to tag some people so I am tagging anyone who has an “L” or an “E” or a “T” in their names. Oh – and a “J” and an “A”.
Was that cheating?