Monday, December 30, 2013

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Merry Christmas!


I wish you love and joy on Christmas - and throughout the coming year.


Merry Christmas!




Monday, December 23, 2013

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Best recipe ever!


.. or.. best Weight Watcher's recipe ever!

Just take this stuff and mix it together.  To DIE for!

Pineapple chunks, mandarin orange slices, and sugar free, fat free vanilla pudding.


I pour the juice in first and stir in the pudding to make sure there are no lumps.  Then dump in the fruit and there you go!


I actually don't use all of the juice, but that's up to you. I do use most of it.


I found the recipe here - and have been eating it at least a few times a week - every week - since I found it.  Doesn't matter that it's a "diet" recipe, you would never know.  YUMMY!!!




Monday, December 16, 2013

Maxine Monday


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When I got nothin'


.. and really don't want to post 2 Maxines in a row ..


Just sayin' ..



Monday, December 9, 2013

Monday, December 2, 2013

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

.. and then there were two.


Riley lived a good, long life.  But with the recent diagnosis of bladder cancer and the discomfort it was causing, it was time to say goodbye.

Riley was 20 years old and I will miss him every. single. day.


I love you old man.



Monday, November 25, 2013

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Tales From the Road


Tap! Tap! Tap!  Is this thing on?

I apologize.  I haven't been here, haven't been answering the door. It's that roller coaster blogging you know, up and then down ...

So.  This is an official blog post.

*clears throat*

*cracks knuckles*

What's wrong with people these days?  I will admit I can have a heavy foot on the road.  People driving slowly in the passing lane make me crazy, as do people who tailgate.  I yell at people in my car, I whine and moan and complain.  Oh yes, and swear.  But I do not purposefully do nasty retaliatory things to other drivers.  The most I do is throw my arms up like "HEY".  Other than that, I'm all talk inside my own car.  But lately there have been 2 incidents that really gave me pause.

Is it dangerous out there?  Are these people crazy?

Driving home from work I came to a point where traffic was backed up to where if I crossed the
intersection where there was a green light, I would have been blocking cross traffic if the light turned red.  Which could earn me a ticket, by the way.  So I stopped at the side street and waited.  Either the traffic would start to move and I would cross the intersection right away, or it would turn red and I would have to wait for the next green light.  Such is driving home in traffic.

When I stopped, the car behind me beeped his horn and when I didn't immediately take his subtle suggestion to move forward and block the intersection - he laid on the horn.  It wasn't just beeeeeeeeeeeeep or even beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, it was beeeeee-until-the-light-turned-red-and-all-the-way-until-the-light-turned-green-again-eeeeeep!!

Seriously.  He laid on it and did not let up until the light turned green again and I moved forward.  Then he pulled around as soon as he could so he could drive along side me and do God knows what - I don't know what he did because I didn't look at him.  Man!  Too much coffee??  Bad day at the office???

Tonight, again driving home from work - this time on the highway, traffic was jam packed which isn't unusual and somehow makes me a little zen knowing there isn't anything any of us can do about it so let's all go 25 mph until we can go faster.

About a mile from my exit I needed to move into the right lane and when a car on my right moved forward and then switched lanes to get in front of me - I saw my chance, put my turn signal on and moved to the right.  Well apparently the car that had been behind the car that got in front of me (c'mon, keep up!) had decided to make up ground at warp speed and as soon as the car wasn't in front of him anymore - he sped up really fast, just as I was moving over.  So HE laid on the horn.  But I was already in the lane so I did the sad little hand wave with the bowed head to say I was sorry.

That was that, right?

You jest.

This guy immediately got up on my tail and turned on some handy dandy spotlight he had, and aimed it directly into my side mirror - and my eyes.  At first I thought it was just his headlights because he was driving a pickup truck that was higher than my car, but no.  When my exit came the pickup driver moved to the left and out of the 'exit only' lane he had been driving in, and I saw him turn the spotlight off.  The man purposely got as close as he could to me and shone an intensely bright light into my eyes for at least a half a mile and as far as I can tell, only stopped because I took the off-ramp!!

If I cut the man off - it was not intentional.  I apologized the only way I could from my car.  But apparently my error was egregious enough to retaliate against me in a spiteful and dangerous way.

What the hell?  Really?

I'm 54 years old. I've gotten a few tickets in my life - for speeding.  The only accident I ever had involved only me, no other drivers or cars.  So I can't be that bad when it comes to driving!  I can only assume that people out there are completely deranged, unhinged and totally unpredictable and I should always be aware of that while on the road.

Or maybe I should start taking the train.  Sheesh!


Monday, November 18, 2013

Monday, November 11, 2013

Monday, November 4, 2013

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Monday, October 28, 2013

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Sigh-h-h-h ..


I came home from work last night to find that one of the cats appeared to be peeing blood.  I was thinking it was probably Riley but wasn't sure until this morning when I took the chance and took him to the vet.  Yep, it was him, poor baby.

Since Jakie died I have been spoiling Riley like crazy, always aware of his age and condition.  I'm glad I've been doing that because he is closer to his time than I knew.


So - I will continue to let him sit on me, sleep on my bed, and eat hot dogs.  He seems relatively happy and not too uncomfortable. Monday will tell us more but I am unwilling to put him through too much at this point beyond making sure he is happy and not in pain.  The rest - well - I am watching him carefully so he can tell me when it's time.


Monday, October 14, 2013

Monday, October 7, 2013

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

.. but there's an airport in the way!

Does anybody know how big O'Hare International Airport is?  Some people say 7610 acres, others say 7700, so it's very likely somewhere around 12 square miles. That's pretty big.  And when something that size stands between you and your job every day, it becomes an adversary you want to conquer.  Other things can be gone over, but no roads can go over an airport.  The only option is to go around.

When you live where I and a bunch of other people behind the blue line live in relation to my job - you have a choice.

Which way do I want to go around the airport?  But one thing is clear, there are no straight lines here.

My favorite quote about trying to get to work has been - 'you can't get there from here'.

Lately, my usual choice of routes has involved construction at a particularly funnel like intersection that includes a set of railroad tracks, a viaduct, and is heavily traveled by 18 wheelers.  Aint we got fun?  So I decided to go onto Mapquest and see what it recommended for alternate routes.  The message I got - proved my point.
I really CAN'T get there from here!



Monday, September 30, 2013

Friday, September 27, 2013

For real!


I WANT to blog, write about what's happening, how I feel about it, draw crazy conclusions and foist them upon you.  But I'm just so doggone tired and by the time I get home from work my brain has checked out and gone to it's (secret) home too.  Somebody tell me if you find out where it lives during it's off hours.  I mean - I can tell you what my cats are doing, and how badly my house needs cleaning, and how I'm going to try the newest HEALTHY diet thing (CHIA SEEDS!) but really, who cares?

Since coming here to write this evening was without a plan or thought in my head I will leave you with this:


Because you know, I DO tend to over-share.  File this under - nonsense.




Monday, September 23, 2013

Friday, September 20, 2013

.. and I was SO comfortable!

I was asleep on the couch and woke with a start.  I quickly glanced to my right at the clock and was all "holy
crap!  7:45!  I'm supposed to be walking out the door right now - I am gonna be SO late!"  I was about to fly from the couch like a ninja (heh) but first glanced in the other direction out the window - dark. Registering ... night. Wait.  It's not morning, it's evening.  I'm not late for work at all. However, I may have had a small heart attack instead.  Sheesh.

I hate it when that happens.



Monday, September 16, 2013

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

A Letter From Fred - *OFFICIAL DOCUMENTARY* Oh Sweet Lorraine

.. an amazing tribute to a wonderful couple.



I think I'm pretty jaded about some things, and have pretty much concluded that this kind of love is so rare that very few ever experience it.  Maybe that's why it moves me so - when I see it.  The real deal.

Tissues, anyone?

I had to post. Now I'm off to iTunes.




Monday, September 9, 2013

Maxine Monday


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Slippin' one in ..

What my cookies were supposed
to look like.
.. I always feel bad when I have Maxine Monday posts back to back.  I just haven't had a whole lot going
on. Tired all the time, and I know it's because of my diet, too many carbs and too much sugar.  Puts me to sleep, literally.

This weekend I made quinoa with spinach, garlic and feta cheese.  Made cauliflower mashed "potatoes" and baked chicken.  Definitely not a cook but every once in a while I have the urge.  Usually it's not quite as healthy.

Ended up changing my mind about the cauliflower recipe and had egg whites leftover so I decided to try my hand at meringue cookies.
Turns out I was supposed to whip the meringue for 15 minutes or longer until it was stiff - heh - I didn't.  The recipe just said to whip until stiff - after 7 or 8 minutes, I thought hell - I guess I'm calling this stiff because I cannot imagine having to whip it longer.  Guess I should have read up a bit before I made them but it was a spur of the moment decision.

What they really looked like.
When they were done - I asked my son if he wanted to try one of my skinny white hockey pucks and after doing so his review was - "tastes like what I imagine paint chips taste like.  But thicker.  But probably with the same lead content."

It's good to have kids, isn't it?





Monday, September 2, 2013

Monday, August 26, 2013

Scratching my head ..

.. why don't I want to go to bed at night .. when I hate getting out of bed in the morning?

Just asking.

Maxine Monday


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Thursday, August 22, 2013

The truth is not always appreciated

There are many things I write about here, starting originally with the intention of promoting my jewelry, all the way through talking about depression, my journey of being a caretaker and my mother's passing, to my cats, my kids, and the occasional rant.  My writing is simple, the way I speak, and admittedly grammatically incorrect with poor sentence structure.  But very few people have ever accused me of not being able to get
my point across.

This is a strange point in my life, I feel somewhat unsteady on my feet, self-confident but not, in control but spiraling out of it.  And oh my gosh I hate to even say this because it sounds so ridiculous but I feel misunderstood.

For many years I have prided myself on admitting mistakes (of which there are many), taking responsibility, and have been a strong believer in being open.  In fact - sometimes I think - too open.  Applying for the job I have now it's one thing I repeated to several people - with me, what you see is what you get.  I don't play games, I say what I mean and I'm not one to say what I think people want to hear. That's not to say I just say anything - I recognize there is a time and a place for everything.

So .. what to do when it seems other influences would like me to change the very essence of myself?  Because I don't know how to be anything but real.  And grammatically correct or not, communication has always been one of my strengths.

You look in the mirror every day and you see yourself a certain way.  It's disorienting when others don't recognize that person - is you.  Or maybe they recognize that person - they just don't like who they see.

That is entirely possible.


Not sure there is a single thing I can do about that.




Tuesday, August 20, 2013

You may think I'm crazy, but .. at least think.

You may have read some posts where I wrote about stopping at Walgreen's .. it's a frequent thing for me.
 Even though I moved a year ago, there is a Walgreen's right on my way home from work, quick to run in to pick up makeup remover towelettes, etc.  Recently they started a rewards program, ala grocery stores .. use your card, get discounts.  So of course I signed up.  Today - I gave the card back.  The clerk looked at me like I had 3 heads and when I asked if she knew of anyone who had done that she said no.  Her look was quizzical when I briefly explained.  She left the card on the counter after I had paid and wished her a good rest of the day.

We live in an age of information.  My job is all about - information.  Much of my free time is spent on the Internet and my smart phone.  Over-sharing here on my blog is one thing.  I get to pick what I share and what I do not and from now on I am going to choose more carefully what I share and with whom.  Like *Google - I use Bing now because I find Google to be too intrusive.  And because they got rid of iGoogle and Google Reader and made me mad, but that's a whole different issue.  With the NSA scandal and Obama care looming and the IRS being involved well - I'm not a conspiracy theorist by any stretch of the imagination.  But - I'm simply starting to feel uncomfortable about how much of my information is going to be available to different agencies and I've just decided I am not going to frivolously give that information away simply to save a bit of money.  It's not just Walgreen's - but Walgreen's does have access to information my grocery store does not.  Here is what I wrote to the store this evening:

I turned in my rewards card today.  I've always known that cards such as these track your purchases and that's fine.  But when you start mixing prescription tracking and health and fitness tracking - that's too much of my private information being tracked.  I have gone to Walgreen's for my prescription needs for well over 30 years.  I have never felt like my personal information was at risk until I realized that the information Walgreen's has - can all be tied together under the guise of cost savings.  I just don't think a pharmacy should be doing that.  If you want to save me money - have normal sales.

So, look at me funny like the clerk did, think I'm slipping off some crazy slope if you want.  I just think all of us should be more careful about the forms we fill out, and the information we supply to all kinds of places. Walgreen's is where I put my foot down.

*I am aware of the irony - this is a Google application, this blog.  And if I find something better to replace it with - you betcha I will.


Monday, August 19, 2013

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Can I say I was asleep when I did it?

This is new to me, being on-call for work, and not particularly welcome.  Monday night (Tuesday morning) I received a phone call at 2:30am which led to my being awake until 4:00am.  ARGH!!!  Try to go to sleep after that, knowing that you have to get up in 2 hours.

Last night, I had to call an important client at 12:20am to make sure the issues they were experiencing that had been resolved earlier in the day - had not reoccurred. Can you imagine the feeling of wanting to sleep so badly - and talking to really chipper people on the phone who were the reason you weren't in bed?  Heh.

Afterwards I had to notify 2 different people that the client was still good and after that came the documentation.  My head hit the pillow at about 1:00 am.

Can you say - I think I'm too old for this crap?!

Please pray for the person who wakes me up tonight.


Tuesday, August 13, 2013

If I didn't have bad luck ...

10 packets per box, 6 boxes per .. box, 4 boxes .. that's
math, forget it.  It will have to last.  *sniff*
I am an all around jinx, apparently.  Things I like go away, get discontinued, go out of fashion.  Yes, it has happened again.  The ONLY good part is that I realized before the entire supply was gone, but it's not being made anymore, that I have verified.

It's Ocean Spray Cran- drink mixes. You know, the individual packets you mix with your bottled water.  I LOVE the stuff.  I was buying it on a regular basis and then - it was gone.

Here's how bad it is - I seriously thought about not posting this in case someone else who loves it might see it and start searching for the limited supply too!  MINE!  MINE!  Maybe this is one time I'm glad I'm not one of those mega-popular-get-their-own-TV-show bloggers.

Only 5 calories and it tastes great.

Sigh-h-h.  I'm not recommending it to you though.  Leave me alone with my addiction.  Please.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Monday, August 5, 2013

This old man ...

.. weighs 10 lbs!!  At the vet tonight the vet tech said - at 20 years old, to be gaining weight like this - just doesn't happen!  Whatever you're doing, keep doing it because he's doing great!


Only time in my life I have been praised for providing a diet of junk food!  Well, copious amounts of good, healthy cat food, supplemented by cheeseburgers and hot dogs.  Turns out this kitty loves hot dogs.  :)  

Who knew?



Maxine Monday


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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

People I don't follow on Instagram


  • Boys whose entire feed consists of pictures of themselves looking in the mirror.

  • Men whose entire feed consists of pictures of themselves looking in the mirror.

  • Girls whose entire feed consists of pictures of themselves looking in the mirror.

  • Women whose entire feed consists of pictures of themselves looking in the mirror.
Wait - I'm sensing a pattern here ..
  • Anyone who posts pictures of their weed.

  • Pictures that put guns and money in the same photo.

  • People who put major profanity on every other photo.
Hmm... 
  • Men who take pictures in front of the mirror grabbing their crotch.

  • Women who take pictures from above, looking down at their heaving bosoms.
I will almost always follow:
  • Cats

  • French Bulldogs 

  • Pretty pictures.
Yes, on Instagram I indulge my "show me cute or pretty" inner self.

And even though I am a cat person through and through - I have fallen head over heals for Frank.  Oh take a peek, you know you want to. He is more adorable than an animal has a right to be.  He has an older brother named Manny who is also quite cute, but I've always had a thing for the younger ones.

Enjoy!



** Edited to add - Some jerk hacked Frank's account on Instagram and all his pictures were lost.  I am SO sad about this!  There will be a new account but many photos were lost.  What do hackers get out of this?  I don't get it.  Here's the new link to see how cute Frank is!

Monday, July 29, 2013

Friday, July 26, 2013

Someone broke into my house ...

... and dropped stuff on every flat surface!


I mean, how else does THIS happen??


I mean really, who keeps everything from a chamber pot to a crock pot on their kitchen island??

Really need to check the locks.



Monday, July 22, 2013

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Oh, hell no!

I am so disturbed.  For the last couple of days my heart has been heavy and my thoughts have been
troubled.  I suppose it is related to the George Zimmerman trial and the killing of Trayvon Martin.  But it really stems more from a blog post I read, written by a woman who bills herself as "an angry black woman".

She is very well spoken and has obviously given a lot of thought to all of this, what she wrote was not off the cuff or a rant.  It sounds like she is ex-military which I respect very much, and well educated.  She is also very thoughtful, and believes whole-heartedly that she is doing the very best for her child.

But.

Her 6 year old son at learning about slavery and Abraham Lincoln inquired of his mother whether people still hate them - and if they are still slaves.  She put off answering him directly until she could think about it and came to the conclusion that she would tell her child that yes, people will hate him because of the color of his skin.  And yes, they are still slaves because of white privilege and a culture of intolerance, basically.  She went on to talk about how America is not there for her or her son, for gays or Muslims or pretty much anyone other than male, white, Christians.  In her eyes America is a pretty bad place to live if you're not a white guy who worships Jesus.

Normally I would not comment on a post that is so diametrically opposed to my opinions or experience.  But this disturbed me so much I felt compelled to.  I said how sad it made me that she would teach her son that people hate him - and I said she could not speak for me or anyone else, any more than we can speak for her.  I do not hate people because of their differences.  I try to take people on a case by case basis.  And white privilege?  I have been reading up on it the last few days because I wanted to see what different people said about it, see several perspectives and really try to understand - even though I can never truly relate to it.  And my opinion (as unpopular as it may be to say it out loud) is that I am sure white privilege existed 30 years ago.  But if it exists now it is because of the culture of victimization and perpetuation of things like "yes Honey, people hate you because of the color of your skin".  That culture says to me - that no matter what I say (I don't hate you), or what my actions are, down deep I really do hate people who are black, brown, or different from me culturally.  I don't even get a chance to like or care about them right from the get-go because I have white skin and light eyes.

The irony does not escape me.

I went on and said that yes, some blacks are feared because of some of the hip-hop and rap culture of violence, and the thug life they promote.  They take pictures of themselves with guns, drugs, and sing about killing cops and having sex.  Not just a few have been arrested for drug and violent offenses.  No shame in it, either.  Many youths emulate these people and aspire to be cool and tough and it is foreign to many people like me.  And it can appear quite frightening.  But we are not supposed to react to that - if we are frightened or nervous around say - 3 young black men with their pants down to where, hats on sideways and gold in their mouth - it is obviously because we are racist, not because the boys are throwing an attitude that is meant to be threatening or aggressive.  It is because of their manner, how they represent themselves that we might give them a wide berth.  You could take a wonderfully gentle and smart guy and dress him like that and show him how to display the attitude - and he would look scary too.

But I'm not supposed to say that because I am white and that would be racist.

There is so much involved, not the least of which is poverty - and so many kids being raised without fathers in the home.  Welfare has arguably caused the death of the family unit - for many in poverty. So I cannot even come close to writing about all that is involved with race relations in the U.S.  I just think we have made a lot more progress than is recognized or acknowledged.  And passing down the message of hate from one
generation to the next perpetuates an evil we have been trying to eradicate for years and years.  Why do people who believe they have been oppressed, want to pass that down to their kids?  One thing is clear, racism is learned.  Children do not come out of the womb hating people.  And while our culture is still not where it should be, teaching children that racism is automatic is simply wrong and will not allow those children to move past the issue of race.

I mentioned how President Obama being elected by whites as well as blacks should show something.  But when I object to something the president does - I am accused of hating the black man in the white house.  Truth is, I don't give a damn what color the man is, I think he's as close to being a socialist as any president we've ever had!  Nothing to do with his race.  But it is assumed that anyone who thinks Obama is a bad president is a racist.  It's that automatic assumption again. So what does that make people who think George Bush was a bad president?  Not automatically racist, that's for sure.

The blog post talked about encouraging her son to make something of his life, how he can be something other than (white approved careers) a rap artist or an athlete.  She also talked about how he will have to fight for it, will have to be twice as good as the white men he may be competing with, how he will have to be strong and work harder - because he is black. She spoke on teaching her son to be a good and moral man which is certainly a good thing. But the message that he is hated does not go hand in hand with all the good things she wants to teach him.

And it's sad.

Not racist and not hated
Her son will go out into the world with a preconceived notion that nothing will ever be easy or fair for him.  That he will be hampered by people who he believes view him as "less than".  And what does it do to the psyche of a small child to believe from 6 years on (true or not) - that people view him as inferior?  What does that implant in that young man's brain, no matter how many good things he is taught as well?  How will he ever be able to like or trust whites if he believes they hate him?  That generational message is what turns so many things into racial issues when they really aren't.  It is a perception.  Like the George Zimmerman trial - blacks believe Trayvon Martin was profiled and killed because he was black, even though there is no evidence to show that.  While many whites (or white Hispanics as the news media calls George Zimmerman) believe he might have been profiled - but not because he was black.  Profiled as a youth out at night in a dark area close to buildings that had been broken into recently.  It was raining and he was walking slowly, with no urgency which drew Zimmerman's attention to him.  George Zimmerman saw a kid who might be a burglar.  He didn't see a black kid until the 911 operator asked him what the race of the person was. That Trayvon Martin was killed because he was black is an automatic assumption that has nothing to do with the facts.  But it is taken as truth.

There is an automatic response in certain parts of the black community, that when something bad happens - it is because of racism.  And when that card comes out - the facts of whatever it is - go out the window and the story is clouded by hurt.

I learned on Twitter the other day (the main source of information these days, right?) that "blacks cannot be racist because whites started it all with slavery"!  Slavery?  Really?  An abominable thing, certainly.  Worse than that, incomprehensible, I can't even describe what a horrible thing it was - the very idea of owning a human being.  But it's over.  I cannot pay for something I had nothing to do with - forever.  I cannot pay for a hatred I do not have for someone.  Jim Crow?  Horrible. But it was never part of my reality, my experience as an American.  That doesn't discount other people's experiences, but the younger generation that is still using it as a shield - did not experience it either.  And being an oppressed group historically does not exempt that group from being racist now.

I am not racist, I do not hate groups of people because they are different from me.  There will always be cultural differences where many times we will not understand or relate to each other.  But hate?  No, not on my part.  Resentment?  If I am honest I have to say yes, resentment because I am accused of something because of history, for the actions of others. I am accused of something I cannot disprove - and I am damned tired of it. I cannot carry that burden because it is not mine to carry.  It is history.  And we need to move forward and learn from that history, never forget and never repeat it.  But punishing the white community for the sins of their fathers does not heal the wounds.

No one can say that racists do not exist.  There are still ignorant and repulsive people out there who just don't learn.  But it's not institutional as many believe, and certainly not automatic thinking simply because someone is white. It also does not make racism right for blacks - because they were discriminated against in the past.  Bad acts in the past do not excuse bad acts in the present or future.

My comment on the blog post was totally negated by telling me I had missed her point and ignored her reality.  But isn't that what happens when I or others like me say we are not racists?  We practically aren't ALLOWED to say it and we certainly aren't believed.  And if some member of the black community does believe us - they say it doesn't matter anyway because we still benefit from unearned privileges because we are white.  And many times they are turned on by the black community.  Sigh-h-h.  Makes me wonder if we can ever get past this.

I carry something around in my purse still on the lined notebook paper I copied it onto in high school.  No idea where it originated from now, but it reminds me of this woman's son, in a way.

I don't cause teachers trouble.
SO MUCH HOPE!
My grades have been okay.
I listen in my classes,
And I'm in school every day.
My teachers say I'm average
My parents think so too.
I wish I didn't know that,
'Cause there's lots I'd like to do.
I'd like to build a rocket.
I've a book that tells you how;
And start a stamp collection;
Well, no use in trying now.
'Cause since I found I'm average
I'm just smart enough to see
It means there's nothing special
That I should expect of me.

Tell a kid he's average and what pushes him to excel?  Tell a kid he's hated, what reason would he have to disbelieve it and break the cycle?

Seriously, I have been walking around for a few days with this knot in my stomach as my thoughts go back to the idea of teaching a child that people hate him because of his color.  It is not my experience.  It is that lady's experience and her reality.  I cannot tell her how to raise her child or what to teach him.  But I can feel grief at the idea that while she believes she is imparting wisdom that is helping him be prepared for life, she is really handicapping him and not letting him have his own experience and create his own reality.

If allowed, he might find his reality very different from hers - and that might be progress.

*Footnote for Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton
Not friends of the black community

There is another class of coloured people who make a business of keeping the troubles, the wrongs, and the hardships of the Negro race before the public. Having learned that they are able to make a living out of their troubles, they have grown into the settled habit of advertising their wrongs — partly because they want sympathy and partly because it pays. Some of these people do not want the Negro to lose his grievances, because they do not want to lose their jobs.
Ch. V: The Intellectuals and the Boston Mob (pg. 118)
~ Booker T. Washington (1911)